I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
