i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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