If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
is wine microwaveable?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
