Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
