Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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