There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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