It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
