When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
