can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
