I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
