Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
