Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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