the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
