that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
