oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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