You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
