My liver just broke up with me...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
