im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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