i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
