dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
