i already hear my dad disowning me
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
