So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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