I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
