I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
