Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
