In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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