hotel room ftw
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
