My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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