carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
