remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Randomize
