I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
