the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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