I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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