fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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