We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
