they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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