he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
pray to the hookup gods
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
