Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
