I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We have started to decorate penises.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
