so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it hurts more in the daytime
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
