Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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