So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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