Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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