let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
