She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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