I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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