It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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