I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
