She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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