and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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