This is not my ceiling
i think my tv is drunk
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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