They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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