I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
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I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
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Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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