I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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