dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
