I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
