apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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