haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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