There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
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We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
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why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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