I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
