Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
