Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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