you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
