you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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