So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
