new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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