i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
