It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
