I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
