please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
you never un-have a 4some
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
