would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
