where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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