Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
