Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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