Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
