Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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