So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
