when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
