K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
