i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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