Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
