Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
