i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I can't trust your balls anymore.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
