Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
