i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
