ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
