Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
