White coat. Heels.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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